Mr. B's Request AKA The ...

Yummy Christmas thing you make.

Prep time

This creation and I first crossed paths at a small office Christmas party back in the late '80s. After I took my first bite I knew I had to wrangle the recipe out of the person who brought it. I've seen similar cakes since but they are all constructed differently than this one. I've made this for office several of the Christmas parties I`ve attended and it always disappeared quickly.  


The person I got the recipe from didn't tell me a whole lot of what went into making this other than the ingredients of which there are but a few. The important part I learned early on entails the construction, which is my reason for sharing it here. The other is a request from a former co-worker and friend. He asked me to make it the last Christmas we worked together. I was in no shape to pull it off then and I didn't get it done.


Over the years I've learned through much experimentation what really worked well for me when making this. Those experiments culminate here.  




You'll need:

1.   1 Small electric hand mixer or an arm that won't get too tired

2.  2 mixing bowls - One must fit inside the other

3.  1 to 2 trays of ice cubes - the really cold brand, warm flavored ice cubes just don`t get it done.

4.  2    1/2 pints heavy or whipping cream (your choice) it works with either.  The size of  the cake matters too. One half pint is usually more than enough if you use just one deck. Don`t be surprised at the amount of whipped topping left.  You can be surprised because sometimes more is just plain good. Nekkid works but that thought belongs at another venue. 

5.  1 Box Honey Grahams  Graham crackers - Full size. Get the real ones, its worth 1 to  2 bucks more for a better result. The store brands or the other national brands are too hard to make this work correctly since they don't wick well enough. No I`m not endorsing Honey Grahams.

6.  1 16-18 oz. jar preserves - Dumping the preserves in a small bowl makes them easier to dish out. I've found that preserves work the best. I'm partial to strawberry, but raspberry works well too. Jam is too loose, jelly just doesn't cut it. I`ve yet to try making my own preserve type filling. If you have a grandma that makes her own jams and preserves hit her up.

7.  To flavor the whip : Add 1 - 2 tsp sugar or a dash of 2 vanilla  or your favorite flavor extract, peppermint,spearmint, etc. This is to give the whip a little flavor since it's blah just plain.


8.  A rectangle of cardboard about the same size (actually  a little smaller) as a cookie sheet or a pizza pan .This will be used as your work surface after you cover it with wax paper or parchment paper. 


9. 2  Flexible spatulas for spreading - one only for whip, one only for preserves

     9a.  This list consists of ingredients,  4 to 6, all the others (1-3, 7-10) are my tools to build this vacation cake getaway. 

10.  Read to the end  first





Make sure you have enough room to spread out and gather all your ingredients. Dump at least 1 tray of ice into the big mixing bowl then set the next size bowl inside it and set the nested bowls aside. I usually let them sit until the cubes sweat. That takes 10-15 minutes depending on the temp of your work space or put the bowls together than popping them in the fridge works if you have to speed create.  

Whip the cream until the top comes to stiff points

Now it's time to rock and roll. No rocks were harmed n the creation of this recipe. 

I put a dab of whip on the surface your are using to make your cake on. This  should be the length of the cracker and at least 2" wide to acommodate the edge of the long side.This helps stabilize the first few layers and if done rather quickly will help the rest of your build.  A practice run won`t hurt. : )

NOTE:

*****The next part you'll have to work rather quickly with no breaks unless you can tag out to a helper if you have one since the whip starts to collapse as it warms up. *****

Butter your crackers with the preserves, then lay some of the whip over top of the that and lay it down on the skinny edge of the long side. The first 2 or 3 pieces can be a little messy to get standing up. Have a bowl of water or a roll of paper towels handy. Just keep building out from there until you  get to the size you imagined your finished cake would be. One deck of crackers makes a cake about the size of the graham cracker box or a little longer depending how thick your layers are. (A practice cracker is worth a shot, because you may need a snack before you finish) : )



To finish: Any leftover preserves I`ll spread over the top to fill in any gaps. Then cover that with the remaining whip which should be more than enough to cover the top and sides.

Decorate the finished cake. Using jimmies or sparkly sugar gives a nice effect when it melts in the whip. Anything really as long as its not too heavy, so no bowling balls.

Cover and leave in the refrigerator overnight. Its great with breakfast or for breakfast. We are talking decadence incarnate here. Serves 1 because you'll want to eat the whole thing.

What makes this a nice cake for a party is the way you slice it and the reason for its manner of creation. Cut your slices at a 45 degree angle to see all the layers. The reason will be apparent after that one person who always wants the corner piece gets theirs.

I have one request; I`ve never made this for someone on a special diet so I wonder if  anyone does tried to make this using ingredients that were ok for someone with diabetes or lactose intolerant or any other special diet I would love to know your results.  Comment here since comments are open on all devices.
My hope for you is that this will be a hit at your holiday party and gives you more joy than I`ve had making it and sharing this with you.

   I don`t remember making one this pretty though it is something to shoot for.

Devour These Cookies

 

Not a plug for Betty Crocker just what I had on my shelf.

      This is a great little recipe I've used for many moons. I love its simplicity in addition to the short time it takes to go from bowl to plate. If you need to have a quick 3 dozen cookies for a pot luck or just feel like a treat with afternoon coffee or tea these surely fit the bill.

    I've experimented with this recipe over the years and discovered a few things. First off, these cookies are made to be devoured the day they are made. I've found even with a good sealed container they tend to get really crispy by the next day which I guess makes them perfect for any dunkers out there. See me with my hand raised over here? A half slice of bread tossed into the container with any left over will keep them soft and chewy the next day.

     Your experiments may turn out better than mine have. I've found that making large cookies hasn't produced good results.  Using mini sized chips or chopping up candy bits smaller produces chewier cookies. The main advice I'll share is the recipe works best when the oven is up to temp before baking.

     Enjoy.




Quick Cake Mix Cookies

Prep time: 10 minutes or less

Preheat oven to 350

In a medium sized mixing bowl combine:

1 Boxed Cake Mix

2 eggs

1/2 cup of oil

If desired add extras: nuts, chips, coconut, raisins, etc. Use confectioners sugar for a sweet dusty finish or add your favorite extract to flavor plain yellow or white cake mix.

Drop rounded teaspoons (1.5" or so) onto ungreased cookie sheet about 2" apart

Bake for 8-10 minutes depending on your oven on middle rack. I've found when I can really smell them they are usually done.

Cool enough to prevent burnt fingers before devouring.

Store leftovers in a sealed container.

Makes about 3 dozen

A Mini Quest

    

     I experienced a pleasant surprise while gazing into the wonders that exist within the vending machine at work. The kid that rattles around inside me on a daily basis spotted Zoo Animal Crackers, and since I was lucky enough to have a single in my pocket I had to indulge.  I hot stepped it back to my desk, awash in the feeling I’d almost found a misplaced treasure from my youth. It was similar to catching a big frog in the creek near my house when I was 9; it just kind of made my day.

     I went back to my desk and announced to my aisle mates they had animal crackers in the vending machine, well not ACTUAL animal crackers, just the knock off replacement of the original.  My announcement was met with a hearty exchange of our memories of the originals in their little circus wagon box. We all agreed the frosted ones in the big bags from the grocery didn't really cut it as true animal crackers, though they sufficed in a pinch. I set the bag aside to nibble at while I was finishing my usual end of day task list.  My crest fell a bit when I realized these were a bit crunchier than I remembered the texture of the originals. I made an executive decision I kept to myself; I was going on a hunt to find a box of the originals.  

     Fast forward to the weekend and it’s grocery shopping day. As the Mrs. and I wound our way through the aisles grabbing everything on our list along with a few , “Hey we need this too” items  thrown in for good measure, we passed the cookie aisle. I took off running, searching high and low for my prize; there it was in all its old time splendor, right down to the silly little string to carry them with. along with an added bonus right on the front - A good source of Calcium. I snatched a box from the shelf and hustled back to my wife waiting patiently, a puzzled look on her pretty face. All smiles I dropped my treasure in the cart.

     She looked at me with a half-smile; her eyes posed the question before she asked,

“What is it with you and animal crackers lately? You brought a bag home (yep, I bought another one), and now you ‘re getting more?”

 “After getting the first bag of the fake ones I had to get a box of the old originals.”

“Honey, I love you, but sometimes you’re just odd.”

“You say that like it’s a newsflash.”

     I received a head shake paired a giggle, topped off with a peck on the cheek, after which we paid for our groceries and headed home.  

     A little later that day while we were watching something on the DVR I decided to enjoy the culmination of my mini quest. I was a bit disappointed. I probably expected too much, the texture of this new version of my old favorite seemed to be a little crunchier than the old standby. I seemed to remember the crackers having more of a graham cracker like texture; soft with a little bit of a crunch, the kind that melted in your mouth and stuck to your teeth. I figured they may have been stale since they probably only sell about 10 boxes a year at $3.29 a pop.

     I looked for an expiration date to no avail. Not a good sign there. The newer ones didn't have one either, though I imagine that is probably only on the big box the little ones come in. The ingredients listed on the packages were essentially the same: mostly enriched flour that is enriched by vitamin tablets the size of shuffleboard disks to fill back in all the stuff that came out of the wheat during processing. The rest is pretty much sugar, salt, soy and whey, which I‘m sure would make Miss Muffett happy. One ingredient really caught my eye: calcium carbonate, which is used in everything from baby diapers to blackboard chalk, also as an additive to oil drilling fluid and to help purify iron in a blast furnace and finally antacids. Now that’s a hell of a resume, the Swiss Army knife of chemical additives. 

     

    Granted, I don’t for a minute expect animal crackers to be part of a balanced diet, though it sure was fun to revisit an old favorite. I make it point,sometimes to the world's chagrin, to take time to listen to reminders from the kid in me there is always wonder in this world, sometimes in the strangest of places. 

     

There's Still Nothing On

     After living in this house a few years I reached a point when I had to make some changes. I was working nights so paying for 150 channels with nothing on didn’t make a lot of sense.  Mainly because I wasn’t home to watch anything I was interested in and I didn’t have a way to record it at the time.  So I kicked loose from cable TV for almost 2 years, it was too costly for what I was getting out of it, though I kept the internet. I would just watch the shows I wanted online when I got home at night, plus I could pause it when I wanted to so it worked real well for a while.  With football season approaching I had to do something and decided to break down and get one of those TV signal converters plus a set of rabbit ears to see what I could pull in for TV. I could get the local network channels that carried football except the NBC affiliate, which wasn’t a great loss though I was surprised I couldn’t ever get the local PBS station. Reception ranged between pretty good and meh most of the time, though all bets were off during dust storms. I somehow managed to pull in, at least from the antennae’s point of view, a “total” of 63 channels, of which I watched about 7 or 8 if I could get them to come in. The rest consisted of a rather eclectic mess that for some interesting channel surfing if nothing else. There were 7 or 8 that were basically nothing more than the flea races with sound,  it was toss up about what you heard sound wise, sometimes they were in English, some times in Spanish.  Another group of a dozen or so consisted of religious or evangelical channels in various and sundry forms. Any one that has known me any length of time knows I’m about as religious as a bucket of paint and only darken the doors of a church for weddings and funerals, so they were pretty much out of my wheelhouse.  The remaining 30 odd stations were all in Spanish, some religion based others just regular TV and since my high school Spanish is very rusty at best I didn’t last long watching those and trying translate on the fly. My main TV fare consisted of ancient reruns from the fairly early days of television.

 

                                                             

 

     I’ve rarely met anyone that doesn’t recall the TV shows of their youth with some degree of fondness, though I‘ll tell ya watching these shows now it’s easy to notice how low budget they really were.  From a kid’s point of view this was cool stuff and I wonder how adults from that era thought about what was filling the small screen.  Catching some of the old shows here and there is a reminder of simpler times and simpletons. Seriously who grew up during the 60’s & 70’s and didn’t see every episode of Gilligan’s Island and Leave It to Beaver about 4,000 times. Watching all that TV I don’t know how I managed to read all the books I did, so maybe I‘m a little odd, just maybe. I remember as a kid we had a box on top of the TV we called the rotor that was connected to a motor up on the antenna. You had to turn the dial to specific points marked on it to get certain channels to come in. We only were able to get about 5 since we didn’t live in an area close enough to any of the UHF stations; those were the channel numbers above 13.  Cable didn't make an appearance in my area until I was heading to high school. The world has definitely moved on.

   

                                   

                 

 

    Into this epic conglomeration sitting atop my TV set walked the woman that is now my wife.  The first time she was at my house and we decided to watch TV she had a look of utter surprise that I didn’t have cable.  I exposed her to the joy that is over the air TV, she wasn’t impressed.  The typical offering late at night after Craig Ferguson ended was usually an infomercial and there weren’t a lot of other choices. The most palatable enough to watch usually consisted of Highway Patrol and Sea Hunt, with an occasional Mr. Ed or Bat Masterson thrown in.  Mr. Ed got a pass of course, he’s a horse and horses are cool, plus he is still funny after all these years.  The others left her wondering why I watched this stuff. I pointed out to her that these shows were from the late 50’s & early 60’s, essentially the stuff I grew up watching, when everything was in black & white and television as an industry wasn’t much more than a teenager.  Sophistication in TV land then wasn’t as important as just putting something on that folks may watch and sponsors could manage to try and sell stuff. I always liked it when Alfred Hitchcock groused and sighed about having to go to a commercial., just like we do now. We would watch and giggle over the impossible stuff that occurred in episode after episode. and the obvious low production sets. The PSAs at the end of Highway Patrol were always special,

“ Remember to give blood at the blood bank not on the freeway” and “ Leave the clowns at the circus don’t be one on the highway”  we’re our favorites.

                                                                          

                                                           

     As our relationship progressed we spent many a Sunday and Monday watching football at her place. She had cable and her TV wasn’t a refuge from the Clinton era.  When we made the decision to share living space she insisted that the rabbit ears go, which required very little arm twisting and not long after she parked her desk and her clothes in the third bedroom, the dish went up on the end of the trailer. NFL Sunday ticket is great way to OD on football in the fall, though we now have 200 channels and there’s still nothing on; thank the universe for the DVR.  We do still catch Mr. Ed from time to time.  After all, a horse is horse of course, of course.    

      

 

The Grocery List

Ask anyone that has known me for any length of time and two things will probably be mentioned. The first, Gregg has his own language and secondly he talks backwards on purpose. This little ditty is about the first of those. After a few years living in Arizona I began working in an antique and collectibles store.  About year or so later one of the owners became very ill and a few days before he passed on he asked me to take over as bookkeeper and to help his partner keep the store going, which I agreed to.  The remaining owner had a bit of an air of a Southern gentleman, though it was frequently more air than gentleman.

          Anyone who has ever experienced the joy that is working in retail knows you have days you can’t stop to piss and others that are deader than Abraham Lincoln.  During one of those cemetery quiet days after I’d straightened, dusted and vacuumed every item in the store within an inch of its life plus sharpened every pencils I found I still needed something to do. I started a grocery list, just a few things to pick up on the way home.  I left the list on the counter and went off to do something in the office only to hear hysterical laughter rolling at me from the other end of the store. Ric, the owner, had the list in his hand.

He looked at it, looked at me, looked at the list again and asked, “What is THIS?” , while waving it in the air.

“It’s a grocery list.”

He threw his head back and howled. “WHAT! A grocery list? This isn’t a grocery list!  There’s things on here I’ve never heard of. Boy you are outta your rabbit assed mind! If you sent ME to a grocery store and I asked for the stuff on this here list they’d take me away in a straitjacket.”  I grumbled to myself that decision had already been made for him. He perused the list again and just continued to screech with laughter until he ran out of breath and had to lean on the counter.

“I sort of have my own shorthand.”

“I’m glad you know what this says cuz I would be absolutely pixilated trying to figure out what some of this shit is if you sent me out of here with this.”

          He put the list down on the counter and walked away shaking his head, occasionally bursting in to a loud cackle. He just went waltzing through the aisles of the store, straightening this and moving that, all the while telling the chairs and lamps waiting patiently for new homes, “The man is crazy.” From that day forward he always wanted to see any grocery list I wrote.  He would look at it and laugh then trot off laughing to himself and muttering under his breath.

          The list probably looked some thing like this:

                                                   

          Now let’s fast forward about 13 years to the first few months of dating the wonderful woman that is now my wife.  At that time we were both living close to the nut and eating berries and bark as our main form of sustenance.  We both like to cook so instead of going out we would take turns making dinner at either her place or mine. One night it was my turn to make dinner and I told her I had to change what I was going to make because I was out of fred brums. It didn’t seem to faze her in the least and dinner was a success despite the change in plans.  Little did I know where that brief conversation would lead.

A few months later Dani was cooking dinner at my house again and asked me if I had any bread crumbs. I reached in the cooking supplies cabinet, grabbed the can, handed it to her and said, “Here ya go, fred brums.”  She took the can and froze, then looked at me. 

          “What did you say?”

          “Um here ya go, fred brums?”

          She stood there with a look of stunned surprise on her face, slammed the knife she was using on the cutting board and said, “OH.MY.GOD.”

          I’m a bit flummoxed at this point and really wondering what is up so I venture a cautious, “Uh, What's wrong?”

Then I saw the look that I’ve grown to adore. Her mouth gets little and her eyes get big for a moment, then the hands start to move in circles and go faster as the story she is telling unfolds.

          What follows next all spewed from her in one breath.

 “You are NOT going to believe this I went to FOUR stores looking for fred brums because I thought it was a spice or something you really liked and used a lot and you said you were out of it So I wanted to surprise you with it one day because I had never heard of it and I thought that would just be something special to surprise you with I even spent almost an hour in the spice aisle in Safeway looking at everything before I asked somebody Now I know why the people in the grocery stores looked at me like I had 4 heads” 

I immediately pissed myself laughing.

          Dinner was delayed a bit while we laughed till our sides hurt though I know dinner turned out okay, they always do.  Anyone listening to the number of times Oh God! was said during those 10 or so minutes would have suspected Billy Sunday was back on the revival circuit and in my kitchen.

          Since then we’ve both had plenty more gooberific moments like this one to laugh at ourselves over. I know I’m definitely way ahead in the count on those types of moments though no one is really keeping score mainly because laughter always wins. That reminds me, I think we're out of fred brums again.

                                                 

         

The Dew Drop Inn

          The endangered species list isn't limited to animals, birds, and fish. One of the disappearing icons of small town America is the roadside diner. Many have been razed to be replaced by kitschy themed strip malls and cookie-cutter burger doodle joints. More than one whistle stop town, crisscrossed by winding two lane highways had a Silver Dollar, a Mom's, or a Dew Drop Inn, the namesake of my personal favorite from my home town locale. Today, it no longer exists. The result of the inevitable creep of decay caused by time and the gluttony of progress lead to it being demolished to be replaced by a snazzy new bistro. I’m sure it's thoroughly missed by those lucky enough to have experienced its quirky confines during its long lifetime.

          The cavernous potholes in the parking lot gave a clue to its age and popularity. Paint-starved siding waited patiently for its next coat of paint, while a rusted sign, its weathered letters nearly worn off, stood solemnly guarding the door. A small iron bell cheerily announced your entrance, as the fingerprint blackened door banged shut behind you.

          In front of you, faded red vinyl and chrome stools stood half-cocked at attention. They encircled an ancient counter. The innumerable dishes and utensils dragged across it had scratched and dulled its once bright surface. In front of each stool the pattern on the counter had been worn off by the multitude of arms and hands rested there grasping nickel cups of coffee.

          A sleepy-eyed, rumpled, middle-aged woman with a pleasant smile and thin mousy gray hair sat behind the cash register. The stool where she perched sighed when relieved of her weight as she rose to show you to your table. The unevenly sloped floor created the sense of falling as you walked into the dining room. The low ceiling, the sparse old style fluorescent lights, and the trip across that crazily slanted floor solidified your sense of The Dew Drop's earthy charm.

          The seating was stiff, un-padded wooden benches, worn slick as oil by the dozens of rumps rubbed across their surface, making it difficult to sit back without sliding under the table. The padded seats were on the two tops! Once you were seated the atmosphere assaulted your senses. A cacophony of clanging pots, and clinking dishes, occasionally interrupted by a loud thump, leaked from the kitchen. The aroma coming from that kitchen was a welcome invasion to your nose; the signal that you had indeed made a good choice.

          Simply prepared food on heavy china was brought steaming to your table. Real steam from fresh hot food, not microwaved frozen crap. The inn usually had only two waitresses in the dining room unless it was a real busy day. If you didn't look close they were hard to tell apart. They both wore their dark graying hair piled on their heads, overfilled their uniforms a bit, and carried a warm and friendly smile. The only definite way to tell them apart were the glasses one wore. Usually they were perched precariously on her head and no doubt bets were placed on when they would fall to the floor.

          If you judged the Dew Drop Inn on appearance alone you would miss out on the best part: the food. The dining room was always packed on weekends and with good reason. Fresh, soft melt-in-your-mouth dinner rolls came warm to your table first, followed by a hot meal that looked like it had been prepared at home. Pork chops, Delmonico steak or a half pound beef steak patty were the usual dinner meat items, all well prepared and simply presented and they tasted even better. The main reason to clean your plate was what came after: homemade pies. Apple, lemon meringue, and the house specialty coconut cream were all served as a generous slab that nearly overflowed the plate it was on. I often wanted another slice though I very rarely got one.

          The Dew Drop Inn wasn't fancy, hip, slick, or cool, but the cozy, cramped atmosphere, the tasty simple food, and its rustic historic feel made it a great place for an afternoon pit stop. I still look for places like that when I travel, and though they may be more difficult to come by in our new world I’ve still been lucky on more than one occasion to find a similar member on this endangered species list. Not all of them are gems like this one. To me this little slice of heaven was a pearl of great pleasure.