Lingering thoughts on Roger's Neighborhood

     While I don’t often read full stories as I peruse the headlines of the pages I frequently visit, I notice there is still a lot being written and said all on forms of media about the Ray and Janay Rice domestic violence incident while the NFL and the commissioner fumble the ball. Call me not surprised about the conflicting accounts released by the NFL about who had or didn’t have a video or DVD, that they did or didn’t get, that the NFL did or didn’t ask for and when they did or didn’t receive it or were or were not denied access to it.  It’s akin to watching a really bad remake of Abbot and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” and no one is laughing. These guys are taking a page from the bozos in D.C.; if they blow enough smoke up everyone’s ass and sling enough BS in every compass direction they can hopefully make enough of it stick to someone so they make that person the sacrificial lamb.  Meanwhile, somewhere in the bowels of the NFL offices “Old Scruffy” the equipment manager diligently polishes swords for those deemed expendable enough to fall on one. I guess we will find out if a tree does make a sound when it falls in the forest, even if that forest is made up of 40 story buildings.

The worst aspect of this mess has to be the impact for the families involved and the friends, acquaintances in their social circles. I cannot fathom it. The Ravens coach said it best, “This video changes things.” Knowing that we have created our own Big Brother under the guise of being safe makes this sad tale even sadder because it created a firestorm due to the celebrity status of one of the participants.  It is another example of the any idiot with a cell phone cam can be become a YouTube celebrity in under an hour mindset we just accept on a   daily basis. The creepy factor of that makes me look around for cameras whenever I use a public restroom. So call me paranoid I don’t care. If this couple had just been Ray and Janay, a couple of the regulars from Pinkie’s Tavern over on Walnut St. it would be probably part of some wacky compilation of epic knockouts on YouTube; that is a sobering thought. This poor woman not only had to endure the indignity of getting clocked by her husband she has to relive that feeling over and over as it loops behind the commentators adding their take on this story. Being on the receiving end of domestic violence is bad enough without having your life poked and prodded by every knucklehead with a microphone, or a blog like yours truly.

 Those of us on the outside don’t really know what the relationship between Ray and Janay Rice was like before this incident was made public. Trying to judge their entire life together based on one video is a bit of a stretch. Chances are pretty good that this stuff has been going on in private previously and that this incident just happened to occur in a public place was their misfortune because the whole world got to see it. Liquored up or not this stuff most often happens behind closed doors and bringing it out in public smacks of a business as usual kind of occurrence. That idea though leads to another question, is the argument that appears to have been brewing before they appeared on video something that just got way out of hand and hadn’t happened before? Only the Rice’s can answer that. Then again, these folks aren’t my neighbors and I haven’t seen or heard any stories related to this being a pattern and if there was a pattern in evidence no doubt there would be someone trying to grab their 15 minutes of fame on the Today Show or CNN to tell us all the sordid details. 

Anyone I’ve known that has been in an abusive relationship, and I’ve known a few, and has managed to get out and move on, told me that you wonder a lot if it isn’t your fault.  And that becomes part of the answer to why you don’t just leave. Another insidious aspect of being in that environment is that you really don’t want anyone to know that you somehow have put yourself in this position, first by starting in the relationship and then by staying. Finally you come to that bottom line where you’re afraid to leave because you’re afraid you may just wind up dead. It is a demoralizing position to be in and stance that takes a while to dig your way out of emotionally. Having the courage to walk away is not an easy road to walk and the hills you have to climb sometimes seem to throw another bag of dead cats onto the burden you carry.  Reaching the top of that hill makes the trip through the valley on the other side feel a little lighter and a little less foreboding because you know you managed to get through it, though any day can still feel like a mountain to climb no matter how hard you work to make it otherwise.

Whether or not Ray Rice ever gets a second chance and goes back to the NFL at this point doesn’t really matter.  Michael Vick got a second chance, who knows if he would today. What really matters is if the Rice’s can manage to work through what they need to so they can get right with themselves and Life.  I wish them the best and hope they can manage to pick up the pieces and move forward.